We Might Need A New Man Of The House
I don’t know who established gender roles, but I definitely need some more self-affirmation when it comes to the tasks society expects me to be able to perform.
Yesterday I was able to tackle two challenges of classic manly behavior:
- I was asked to open a stuck lid ingrained with glue to its core, which took me quite a few minutes and two layers of my thumb skin. But I succeeded, only a few tries away from permanently losing all my dignity.
- Upon a plumbing issue, I was able to put my handyman skills to good use — the only problem being that I don’t have any. Over an hour standing on top of the kitchen sink, dirty wet floors all over the house, and a mark left by a corner of the cupboard on top of my head later, I gave up. I can’t think of any adjectives to properly describe myself after this catastrophe, but let’s just say I wasn’t exactly the happiest man alive.
Both of these episodes would have been enough to prove I didn’t fit the job description for “man of the house”, but there’s nothing so bad you can’t make it worse.
Today, getting out of the gym, a young lady whose car battery had just died asked me to jump-start her car.
I readily pulled up my car beside hers as she took the jumper cables out of the trunk.
So the calamity began.
It took me around two minutes to find the lever that opened the car hood. I hadn’t had that car long enough to need that kind of knowledge; besides, the one time my car had needed some kind of repair, I passed the buck to one of my coworkers. I tried my best to cover up my struggle by confidently staring at the now exposed engine, but the lady’s stifled laugh proved my efforts useless.
Now, where on Earth is this car’s battery?
She couldn’t help but cackle with laughter, then proceeded to finish the job by herself, requiring my assistance only on necessary occasions.
My ego wouldn’t have been as wounded if it wasn’t for the side effects of such performance. After all, I’d never see that lady again.
But I had been too busy with the lever to notice I ended up shifting the steering wheel downward from its original position, which causes it to hit my legs every time I sit down at the driver’s seat. I’ve tried every single button, knob, handle, switch and key I could find… but nothing seemed to fix it.
I wonder if my wife can help me out.
